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User blog:Avatar XIII/Battle Raps of Epic History 1: Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great
Hey guys, AXIII here with a new series. I got this idea from a video created by ERB Mother Fucker on youtube. He does all kind of weird things to ERB videos including playing some ERB's backwards. This has some humorous results. Anyways, onto the battle. Link to his battle 'Catherine the Great:' Checkmate! Empress to Tsar 8 bitch I'm far more great, so don't call me Queen Bringing sexy back to House Romanov Peter the Great left off, I'm picking up where If this were Russian roulette, couldn't spin in my chamber, nyet But you're never gonna get it Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit That horse story is a pile of shit 'Ivan the Terrible:' I hear you enjoy the saddle, accept this gift Your Highness To beat me in a battle, what a beautiful Queen! 'Catherine the Great:' Cause I settled it. This whole battle's like Alaska That you just can't meddle with, I'm a boss bitch And right into the golden age, straight out the olden days I brought the Russian Empire, the European powers with the wars I waged You're unbalanced like I unbalanced, through your own son, that you stuck a spike Such sick shit going through your brain, was a crazy one When the state of your head, how are you the head of our state? You're a rodent, I'm a cat. I'm cat. It takes a Russian to take down a Russian Those aren't worthy opponents. Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans 'Ivan the Terrible:' Pompey! What about me? Cause no great can beat me And another great victory, it's another great day On the garrote wire, but at least I saved the rubles My expectations were a lot higher Why don't you drop dead Fred?! And just rest my little head But I'll take a break instead, I'd keep ripping you to shreds So of course take a seat, I know when I am beat Oh what a humiliating defeat! 'Frederick the Great:' Cause beating you only took me twelve bars! I ain't scared of a Tsar, fought a Seven Years War! From here to Red Square, I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière Now bring me my chair Troll face every night, if I had to look at your I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes. Oh my! With your tundras and tigers and bears Russia's fucked up but no wonder why Genteel in the palace, hard as steel on the field And battle malice, I've got creative talents Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight Out the gate, first servant of state, Frederick the Great! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! Fritz Old! What about a flute busting Prussian? 'Ivan the Terrible:' Who could defeat this Russian? There's no great I'm terrible. My stomach's riddled with holes Oh, the pain is unbearable. Ha! You've been poisoned I feel a bit queasy. What's wrong? I weep it's all so easy It seems no one can defeat me, yes I will A drink to your victory, на здоровье I don't stand a chance against your skills Enough! 'Alexander the Great:' I'm an immortal you're not! I win Ivan I vanquish Hop on my horsey and trot, and I would holler Bucephalus! Were torn up and shot, until their vocal chords And they'd be screaming and roaring, but I would leave 'em contorted And they'd be praying for the torture to stop Shattered 'em like a porcelain pot As I swatted my many enemies, in the helmet I wore Like the eagle who's feather I would sport And I'll soar to the top, and slice you in half like the Gordian knot I'll take up this sword that I brought, so this will be straight forward From winning every single war that I fought, Greek for the glory I got Kudos! So I can stay refreshed, so go fix me a drink, will be the craziest And what I'm about to spit, flavorless You got vodka bars of a game of chess While you died in the middle in my expansion pack Iraq and Pakistan, Syria, Persia, had the Balkans Breezed through Gaza to Giza I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia Little Vasilyevich let me spell out the list, as well as useless Stepping up's foolish, from Pella hella pissed, but now you got the Panhellenist Hey fella, swell diss 'Ivan the Terrible:' Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod So don't even try to approach the God Divine and holy, I'm heaven sent You're an asshole with an anastole I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia! I'll crush ya! You're nothing but an overrated lush Smack you harder than you hit that bottle I'll school you like Aristotle Alexander, here to hand you your first loss I'm a land expander. You're a land rover No surviving, try to serve Ivan Crème de la Kremlin's arriving Look alive... Category:Blog posts